248. (12) Of these external reasons, a third is competition between the partners for superiority. The reason is that among the first aspirations of conjugial love is a union of wills and a consequent freedom of volition. Vying for superiority or control expels these two from the marriage, for it divides and separates the wills into two camps and turns freedom of volition into servitude. So long as this struggle persists, the spirit of one partner imagines acts of violence against the other. If their minds were to be laid open in this state and made visible to spiritual sight, they would appear as though battling with daggers. They would also be seen to look upon each other with alternating feelings of hatred and favor - with feelings of hatred when caught up in the heat of combat, and with feelings of favor whenever they achieve hope of supremacy or are prompted by lust. [2] Later, when one partner has gained victory over the other, although this conflict disappears from outward manifestations, it recedes into the inner recesses of the mind, where it remains in a concealed state of agitation. The result is coldness on the part of the one made subject or servant, and also on the part of the one who has become victor or master. Coldness develops on the part of the latter as well, because conjugial love no longer exists, and the absence or loss of this love is coldness (no. 235). Instead of conjugial love, the victor feels a warmth resulting from superiority; but this warmth is wholly incompatible with any conjugial warmth, however similar it may be outwardly when prompted by lust. After the partners come to a tacit agreement between them, it appears as though conjugial love has turned into friendship. But the difference between conjugial friendship and a master-servant friendship in marriage is like the difference between light and dark, between a blazing fire and a cold phosphorescence - indeed, like the difference between a person fully fleshed and one consisting only of skin and bone.