THE REASONS WHY AN APPEARANCE OF LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND GOOD WILL ARE TO BE SEEN IN MARRIAGES

After dealing with the reasons for coldness and separation, the next subject in due order must be the reasons why an appearance of love, friendship and good will is to be seen in marriages. For it is well known that, although coldness divides the minds of married couples today, they still live together and have children. This would not happen, if the appearance of love were not possible, and love that by turns imitates or rivals the warmth of genuine love. It will be seen in what follows that these appearances are necessary and useful; without them households could not hold together, and so neither could communities.

In addition to these considerations some people who possess a conscience may be bothered by thinking that the mental discord between their partner and themselves, which leads to inward estrangement, is their fault and is reckoned against them, something that makes them grieve at heart. But since inward discord is something it is not in their power to help, it is enough for them to allay the distress which their conscience evokes by an appearance of love and good will. This may even lead to a return of friendship, in which conjugial love lies hidden on the part of one partner, even though not on that of the other. But the numerous varieties of this subject demand that it be discussed under a series of headings, as before. These are as follows:

(i) In the natural world almost all people can be linked in their outward affections, but not in their inward affections, if these disagree and are seen to disagree. (ii) In the spiritual world all are linked as their inward, but not outward, affections dictate, unless these act in unison with the inward ones. (iii) It is outward affections which generally influence people in the world to get married. (iv) But in the absence of inward affections to link a couple's minds, such marriages fall apart at home. (v) The married state, however, in the world is intended to last until the end of each partner's life. (vi) Marriages which lack the linking of inward affections may have outward ones, which resemble inward ones and lead to association. (vii) This is the source of an appearance of love, of friendship and of good will between married couples. (viii) These appearances are the pretences appropriate to marriage, which are praiseworthy as being useful and necessary. (ix) In the case of a spiritual person linked to a natural one these pretences of couples have a touch of justice and judgment. (x) In the case of natural people these pretences have a touch of prudence, for various reasons. (xi) They are intended to improve people and make them accommodating. (xii) They are intended to keep proper order in household affairs and to provide mutual help. (xiii) They are intended to ensure concord in the care of babies and looking after children. (xiv) They are intended to promote peace in the home. (xv) They are intended to protect reputations outside the home. (xvi) They are intended to ensure the various marks of good will looked for by the partner, or his or her relatives, and also to allay fears of losing these. (xvii) They are intended to excuse faults and so to avoid ill-repute. (xviii) They are intended to bring about reconciliation. (xix) If a wife does not cease to show good will, so long as her husband remains capable, there may be friendship which resembles that of marriage and which lasts until they grow old. (xx) Various kinds of apparent love and friendship are possible between couples, one of whom is dominated and thus subject to the other. (xxi) Hellish marriages are possible in the world between couples who are inwardly out-and-out enemies, but outwardly the best of friends.

An explanation of these propositions now follows.