ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS

This chapter deals with engagements and weddings, and the rituals they entail, particularly from the intellectual standpoint. For the purpose the contents of this book are intended to serve is to enable the reader to see true facts by the light of his own reason, and so agree to them, since this is how his spirit is convinced. Facts on which the spirit is convinced are allocated a higher position than those which are taken on trust, as coming from authority but without the reason being consulted. For these do not penetrate further into the head than the memory; and there they become mixed up with fallacious and false statements, so that they occupy a position lower than the matters of reason which belong to the intellect. Every individual can use them to speak as if rationally, but this is the wrong way round. For then his thinking is like a crab walking, looking towards its tail. But it would be different if he thought from the intellect; when he does this the sight of his reason selects suitable items from his memory to enable him to prove the truth he has seen in himself.

[2] This is the reason why many details are quoted in this chapter, which are the accepted practice; for instance, that it is for men to make a choice; parents must be consulted; pledges are to be given; a marriage compact must be made before the wedding; this is to be consecrated by a priest; and a wedding is to be celebrated. There are many more things which are brought forward to enable a person to see by his rational faculty, that such things are imprinted on conjugial love as being needed to promote and complete it.

[3] The propositions into which this study is divided follow in this order:

(i) It is for the man, not the woman, to choose. (ii) The man should court and propose marriage to the woman, and not the reverse. (iii) A woman ought to consult her parents or anyone who takes their place, and then take time for private deliberation before agreeing. (iv) After the announcement of consent pledges are to be given. (v) Their agreement is to be confirmed and established by a formal engagement. (vi) Engagement is a means by which either party is prepared for conjugial love. (vii) Engagement links the mind of one to that of the other, so as to bring about the marriage of the spirit before that of the body. (viii) This is what happens to those who have chaste thoughts about marriage, not to those who have unchaste thoughts. (ix) During the period of an engagement it is not allowable to become linked physically. (x) When the period of the engagement is over, the wedding should take place. (xi) Before the celebration of a wedding a marriage compact should be concluded in the presence of witnesses. (xii) The marriage should be consecrated by a priest. (xiii) The celebration of the wedding should be accompanied by festivities. (xiv) After the wedding the marriage of the spirit becomes a marriage of the body, and is thus complete. (xv) Such is the proper order and procedures of conjugial love, from its first heat to its first fire. (xvi) If conjugial love is hurried on without this proper order and its procedures, it burns out the marrow and is consumed. (xvii) The mental states of each partner as they advance in successive order influence the state of the marriage; but this is different in the case of spiritual and of natural people. (xviii) This is because there are successive as well as simultaneous arrangements, and the latter are from the former and determined by them.

There now follows an explanation of these points.