299. It would be utterly different, if the daughter by herself, without consulting her parents or those who take their place, were to accept a suitor who woos her. For she is unable to employ judgment, knowledge and love to weigh up a matter which will affect her welfare. She lacks judgment, because she is still inexperienced in this as regards married life, and is in no position to make comparisons, and to judge from men's characters how they will behave. She lacks knowledge or acquaintance, because her experience hardly extends beyond her parents' household or that of a few female friends; and she is in no position to fish for information about her suitor's family and personality. She lacks love too, because in the case of daughters who have just reached marriageable age, or shortly afterwards, their love is obedient to the lusts coming from the senses, and is not yet controlled by the desires of a trained mind.
[2] A daughter, however, ought to think hard about the match before she agrees to it, to ensure that she is not unwillingly driven into a marriage with a man she does not love. For in this case there is a lack of consent on her part, and consent is what makes a marriage, and gives her spirit the first taste of that love. Consent unwillingly given or forced does not give the spirit a taste, though it may do so to the body; and this turns the chastity present in the spirit into lust, which damages conjugial love in the warmth of its first flowering.
This page is part of 
© 2000-2001 The Academy of the New Church