460. XIV. THAT PELLICACY IS PREFERABLE TO ROAMING LUST PROVIDED IT BE NOT CONTRACTED WITH MANY, NOR WITH A VIRGIN OR UNDEFLOWERED WOMAN, NOR WITH A MARRIED WOMAN; AND PROVIDED IT BE KEPT SEPARATE FROM CONJUGIAL LOVE. When and with whom pellicacy is preferable to roaming lust has been pointed out just above. I. That pellicacy is not to be contracted with more than one, is because when with many there is in it something polygamous, and this induces on the man a state merely natural, and thrusts him into a sensual state so that he cannot be elevated into the spiritual state wherein conjugial love must be (see nos. 338, 339). [2] 2. That it is not to be contracted with a virgin or undeflowered woman, is because with women conjugial love makes one with their virginity, and from this, is the chastity, purity, and sanctity of that love. Wherefore, solemnly to promise and surrender her virginity to any man is to give a pledge that she will love him to eternity. For this reason, a virgin can by no rational consent bargain it away save with the solemn promise of a conjugial covenant. It is also the crown of her honor, and therefore, to snatch it away without the covenant of marriage, and afterwards to discard her, is to make a harlot of some virgin who might have become a bride and a chaste wife, or to defraud some man--and both deeds are damnable. He therefore who takes to himself a virgin as a mistress may indeed cohabit with her, and thus initiate her into the friendship of love, but still with the constant intention, if she does not commit whoredom, that she be or may become his wife. [3] 3. That pellicacy is not to be contracted with a married woman, because this is adultery, is evident. [4] 4. That the love of pellicacy is to be kept separate from conjugial love is because they are distinct loves and therefore are not to be commingled; for the love of pellicacy is an unchaste, natural, and external love, but the love of marriage is chaste, spiritual, and internal. The love of pellicacy keeps the souls of the two distinct and conjoins only the sensual things of the body, but the love of marriage unites souls, and also, from the union of souls, so unites the sensual things of the body that from two they become as one, that is, one flesh. [5] 5. The love of pellicacy enters only into the understanding and into all that depends on the understanding; but the love of marriage enters also into the will and into all that depends on the will, thus, into each and every single thing of the man. Wherefore, if the love of pellicacy becomes the love of marriage, the man cannot with any right withdraw from it without a violation of the conjugial union; and if he does withdraw and take another woman, conjugial love perishes in the breach of it. It should be known that the love of pellicacy is kept separate from conjugial love, by the man not promising marriage to his mistress, nor leading her into any hope of marriage. Nevertheless, it is preferable that the torch of love of the sex be first kindled with the wife.