It was pointed out just above at what time and in which cases having a mistress is preferable to a roving lust.

(a) Only one mistress is to be taken, because there is something polygamous about having several, and this brings a person into a purely natural state and plunges him so deeply in the sensual state that he cannot be raised up to the spiritual state, which is necessary for conjugial love (see 338, 339).

[2] (b) A girl or a virgin is not to be taken as a mistress, because in the case of women conjugial love makes one with their virginity. This then is the source of the chastity, purity and holiness of that love. For a woman therefore to offer and promise her virginity to a man is to give a pledge that she will love him for ever. Consequently no girl can reasonably consent to surrendering her virginity except in return for the promise of a marriage compact. It is also the crown of her honour; so to snatch it from her without a marriage compact and then to throw her off is to turn a girl, who could become a bride and a chaste wife, into a prostitute, or to cheat some man, either of which are heinous crimes. Therefore a man who takes a girl as a mistress can certainly live with her and so introduce her to a loving friendship, but only so long as it is his constant intention that, provided she does not become promiscuous, she should be or become his wife.

[3] (c) It is obvious that a married woman is not to be taken as a mistress, because this is adultery.

[4] (d) The reason why the love of having a mistress must be kept separate from conjugial love is that these are two distinct loves which should therefore not be mixed up. For the love of having a mistress is an unchaste, natural and outward love, and the love for marriage is chaste, spiritual and inward. Love for a mistress keeps the couple's souls apart and links them only at the sensual level of the body; but the love for marriage unites their souls, and as a result the sensual level of the body, until they become as it were one in place of two, that is, one flesh.

[5] (e) The love of having a mistress merely enters the intellect and what depends on it; but the love of marriage also enters the will and what depends on that, so every detail of the person. If therefore love of having a mistress becomes love for marriage, the man cannot rightfully depart from it without violating the marital union. If he does and marries another woman, the break destroys conjugial love. It should be known that the love of having a mistress is kept separate from conjugial love by not promising marriage to a mistress or leading her to have any hope of marriage. It is, however, preferable for the torch of sexual love to be first lit with a wife.

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